


I Don't Want to Know You, but Maybe I Do

by vamplover82



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Phobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-16
Updated: 2010-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-07 07:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamplover82/pseuds/vamplover82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy wants nothing to do with anyone. At least, that's what he thinks until he meets Jim Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to Know You, but Maybe I Do

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and con. crit. are much appreciated. Written for [](http://inell.livejournal.com/profile)[**inell**](http://inell.livejournal.com/) for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/profile)[**help_haiti**](http://community.livejournal.com/help_haiti/) auction.

They've technically been divorced for only a day when McCoy grabs his med kit and heads out of Jocelyn's life for what he hopes is forever. At first, he doesn't really have a destination in mind, just the intention of getting as far away as possible. So, he heads west.

It's a couple of weeks before he finds himself in Iowa, and there's nothing for him here, really. As much as he doesn't want company on this little journey of his - and he really, really doesn't - McCoy finds himself in some small-town bar getting a drink. He doesn't talk to anyone but the bartender, and only then to tell him to keep the whiskey coming, but he's not averse to listening to others' conversations. A lot of them seem to revolve around Starfleet, unsurprising since they're apparently near a shipyard and the bar is full of cadets.

No one says anything particularly interesting, but McCoy can't help thinking about Starfleet long after he's left the bar. He hates shuttle flight, sure, but what better way to get as far away from the ex as possible than to head to the other end of the country for the next few years and into space after that? The idea intrigues him, so he goes back to the bar the next night, where he learns that the Academy is apparently just about to start a new term. And luck is with him, for once, because a few quick words with the bartender inform him that there's a shuttle leaving the Riverside shipyard in two days' time and they'll give pretty much anyone a shot.

Up until an hour before the shuttle leaves, McCoy still isn't sure he's going to go through with it, and he's got a dozen reasons why it's a terrible idea. In the end, though, the thought that he's got nothing else leads him to the shipyard and onto the shuttle. He's fine for a few minutes before fear drives him to sequestering himself in the bathroom. He'd be okay if he were just left alone, but of course, that's when his luck runs out.

When he gets to a seat, the kid next to him is giving him a strange look, so McCoy attempts to throw off the kid's interest before he ends up having to actually talk. "I may throw up on you."

Apparently, though, the kid takes this as an invitation rather than a brush-off, and pretty soon McCoy is letting his fear and his pain show through to someone he doesn't even know. He'd been hoping to avoid real interaction for a little while longer, at least, but he needs the distraction more than he needs the solitude, so he keeps talking and lets the kid talk, too. He's relieved when they finally reach the Academy and he can go back to burying his fear and ignoring everyone. He should have known that would never work.

The shuttle thing is ignored easily enough initially since they've got to have a lot of training and simulations before they're going to be expected to actually go up in shuttles. Ignoring everyone doesn't go nearly so well. At first, he tries not interacting with anyone in classes and does so in the hospital only when necessity dictates and it pertains to medical issues.

The problem comes when his fellow cadets start to figure out that he's got a lot more medical knowledge than them. Most of them came to Starfleet straight from med school, and while they know plenty, they don't have the kind of practical experience he does from years working as a doctor. Even when he tries to be unsociable, they seem to remain undeterred, asking questions about this patient or that disease or any goddamn thing they feel like. McCoy revises his stance on interaction with colleagues fairly quickly, acknowledging to himself that he's really going to need to be able to have a decent working relationship with these people. But that's all it has to be; he doesn't need to take any of them up on their offers of hanging out between classes or going out for a drink after a hospital shift. He doesn't need to be friends with them.

But that's only one of the major problems, the other being one James T. Kirk. It's not even a week into the term when he sees Kirk again, which really would be just McCoy's luck. Kirk comes into the hospital with a few bruises and a sprained wrist, but he looks happy enough, especially when he sees that McCoy is his doctor.

"Bones!" he exclaims cheerfully, giving McCoy a huge smile.

McCoy raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"It's your nickname; I'm totally calling you Bones from now on."

McCoy doesn't know where the hell this kid thinks he can get off just assuming that kind of familiarity, but he's got another thing coming if he thinks McCoy will put up with it. "What seems to be the trouble today, Mr. Kirk?"

"Oh Bones, don't go all formal on me, now. I just thought I'd drop by, see how you were doing, have this wrist taken care of." Kirk waves his hand a little and winces at the movement.

McCoy grabs Kirk's arm to keep him from waving it around and further irritating whatever's wrong, quickly scanning it with his tricorder. "Just a small fracture," McCoy says almost to himself, quickly repairing it with the bone-knitting laser.

McCoy takes hold of Kirk's hand and moves it in a circle, letting go when Kirk doesn't even flinch. "You're fine. Get the hell out of here."

Jim smiles and hops up. "Thanks, Bones. I'll see you later."

"Don't threaten me, kid."

"That's not a threat, it's a promise."

It's a promise Jim keeps, because it's only a couple of days later that Kirk plops down right across from McCoy in the mess hall, starting in on a story like McCoy cares, like Kirk belongs there. McCoy mostly just tunes him out until Kirk is waving a hand in his face.

"Earth to Bones. You in there?"

Kirk smiles when McCoy scowls. "What?"

"I said, I've got a proposal for you."

McCoy snorts, but he must be in a better mood than he thought because the urge to just get up and leave isn't very strong. Kirk takes his continued presence as encouragement to speak, and he does so.

"Okay, look. I could use some help with my emergency medical techniques. Doctoring's never really been my thing. Now, playing doctor...that's another thing." He smirks and McCoy just rolls his eyes. "Seriously, though, I would appreciate it, and I can totally help you with the shuttle thing."

"You? You think you could help me get over my fear of shuttles."

McCoy doesn't care that he sounds sarcastic as hell; the whole idea is ridiculous. Besides, he's still got time before he'll really need to have the shuttle thing under control. He can just wait until next year or something.

McCoy sighs. He's making excuses to himself, and he knows it. Whether or not Kirk can actually help, it certainly couldn't hurt to try, right? Better to start trying sooner rather than later, anyway, in case it doesn't really work at first.

"Fine, I'll help you and you'll help me. Don't think this means I like you, though, kid; I just really need to get over this shit."

Jim scoffs, and McCoy should have known that would be the wrong thing to say. Kirk seems to take disinterest and avoidance as _challenges_, and McCoy has effectively been issuing them left and right.

"Just meet me outside the hospital tomorrow at 1700 hours. Your shift is over then, right? Right. We'll get started from there."

McCoy sighs again, but he nods his acquiescence. "Alright, I'll see you then."

"Great! Later, Bones."

With that, Kirk gets up and saunters off, looking for all the world like he's just won a battle.

***

McCoy doesn't know whether he really expects Kirk to show up at the hospital with an idea or not, but Kirk does show up, at least. He's waiting by the nurses' station when McCoy goes off-duty, flirting with Chapel even though she doesn't seem remotely interested.

"Kirk, quit harassing my colleagues."

"It's Jim, Bones, and there's no harassment here, just a friendly conversation. What better way to pass the time waiting for you than by talking to a beautiful woman?"

He grabs McCoy's arm and starts dragging him out the door, calling a quick goodbye to Chapel. McCoy shrugs him off but keeps pace as they walk toward the transport hangar. The nearer they get, though, the tougher it is for McCoy to convince himself to keep going, and he starts to slow. Kirk notices and throws an arm around his shoulder, making sure McCoy stays with him.

It isn't until they're standing outside one of the hangar's side doors, that Jim speaks again. "Okay look, this is probably gonna sound kind of stupid, but I want you to think of a song. Something you like and know well, something you can focus on, something that makes you feel good." Kirk gives him a serious look. "Think you can handle that?"

McCoy is skeptical of the idea, but he gives it a little bit of thought and comes up with something, a song his dad used to like a lot and play when he was a kid. "Alright, I've got one."

"Good, now we're gonna go in the hangar and get in one of the shuttles. We're not going up in one right now or anything, just going to sit in it for a little while. I want you to start singing the song in your head while we're in there and just stay as calm as you can, okay?"

McCoy nods and hears his dad's voice singing in his head as Kirk leads the way toward what looks to be a really old shuttle that's probably been out of use for years. Even knowing they're not going anywhere, McCoy can feel his heart start to beat a little faster and a sweat break out on his forehead. He concentrates on the song as they get in the shuttle and Kirk settles into the pilot seat, pulling McCoy down next to him.

"How's it going?" he asks after several minutes of just sitting there.

"Been better." McCoy isn't really up for a whole lot of talking, especially not when he's trying to concentrate.

Kirk just nods and remains quiet for the next ten minutes. He finally opens the shuttle doors again, and McCoy is out of there like a shot. Kirk looks mildly amused, but he doesn't say so. "You did good. The song help at all?"

"Not really."

"Well, it'll get better. We'll just have to work on it." Kirk claps a hand on his shoulder and shoots him a smile, one that looks more genuine than anything he's seen on Kirk's face yet.

"Thanks." McCoy says, even though, well, there's nothing to thank Kirk for at this point. Except for giving him a chance, which now that he's thinking about it, really is something to thank the kid for.

"No problem." Kirk waves it off. "Now, they've been trying to teach us how to make splints, but I can't quite seem to get it right."

As they head off, the discussion about splints turns into a flurry of hand movement demonstrations and finally, when they get to Kirk's dorm room, into an actual demonstration. It takes a good hour or so for McCoy to get Kirk to the point where he's got a passable splint. The kid doesn't seem stupid, but he really is kind of terrible with medical knowledge. It'll be a job and a half just to get him to pass his course at this rate, but if the shuttle thing really does work out, it'll be worth it.

***

As the weeks pass, they begin working together on a daily basis. Kirk always seems to have some new medical technique he can't get the hang of, and McCoy has slowly been improving in the shuttle. He's gotten to the point where he can sit in it for up to an hour without having too many problems, and he can even sometimes have conversations with Kirk rather than concentrating solely on the song in his head. It's, well, McCoy is reluctant to call it nice, but it's coming along well enough.

And of course, the thing he hadn't really expected was that he's begun to actually like Kirk. Jim. Whatever. He isn't exactly sure when it happened, but at some point, they started spending time together not just to work on shuttle phobia and medical techniques. It's not really hanging out or anything, but McCoy has stopped turning Jim down when Jim asks if he wants to get something to eat, and anymore, they're like as not to hang around one or the other of their dorm rooms together to study things from all their classes.

McCoy hadn't even known he was missing the company, but when he's studying by himself, it gets to be kind of lonely. To the point where if Jim's not around, he'll sometimes head to the library, just so he can be around other people. Not that he really wants to talk to them or try to make friends or anything, but having people in the vicinity is almost kind of nice.

Then, on a Wednesday, one that should have been any other Wednesday, Jim shows up after his hospital shift and says, "We're going flying today."

McCoy stops dead, hands clenching into fists reflexively. "Jim, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Jim turns to face him, grabbing one of his hands and gently unclenching his fist. "Sure it is, Bones. We've got to start sometime, and what better time than now? Besides, I've got it all set up so we should just be able to fly a few laps around the transport hangar. We won't even be up for more than a few minutes, and we're not going anywhere near space."

McCoy scowls. "How much trouble are we going to be in for doing this?"

"None." Jim won't look at him, though, which makes McCoy suspicious.

"You sure about that, Jim? You're mouth's saying one thing, but your eyes are saying another."

Jim looks at him then. "We'll be fine as long as no one unexpected comes in. I'm...friendly with one of the flight instructors, and she agreed to let us do this as long as we're quick."

McCoy doesn't really like any of it, but the fact that it has to be quick is a big plus. "Alright, let's get this over with."

They're in the shuttle, and Jim is prepping it within minutes. Unfortunately, he doesn't warn McCoy when they're about to lift off, so McCoy's stomach lurches terribly and he forgets all about the song. He starts breathing harshly and freaking out until Jim punches him hard on the arm.

"Bones!" Blue eyes seem to be piercing into him, trying to decide if he'll be able to handle this. "Snap out of it and get a hold of yourself. You can do this."

McCoy stares back at Jim for a moment, slowing his breathing, and he remembers to start singing again. He must look calmer, too, because Jim turns back to the shuttle's controls and takes them around the hangar a three times before bringing the shuttle down again. He gets it secured and shut down before turning to McCoy with a huge smile on his face, pulling McCoy into an unexpected hug. McCoy is surprised, but after a second, he puts his arms around Jim and gives him a quick squeeze.

"We should celebrate," Jim says after he's let McCoy go. "Come out and get a drink with me?"

Jim's asked before, and McCoy isn't any more inclined to say yes than usual (especially since it really doesn't seem like there's anything to celebrate), but Jim looks so hopeful that McCoy can't find it in himself to say no.

"Okay. Not that that was even close to something to celebrate."

"Of course it was, Bones." Jim leads the way back out of the hangar and into the cool evening air, heading toward the edge of campus. "We went up in a shuttle for the first time."

"And I still panicked." McCoy doesn't really like to admit it, but it's the truth, and it's not like Jim didn't see him doing it.

"Well yeah, but that's to be expected. And you got yourself back under control remarkably quickly. Be proud of yourself, Bones. Or at least let me be proud of you."

McCoy sighs, but he doesn't press the matter. Fact is, he feels like he could really use the drink after that little trip. A couple shots of whiskey, and he'll be a new man.

When they get to the bar, it's not exactly what McCoy is expecting. He'd thought it would be one of those cadet bars that are always crawling with girls partying and guys looking to score. It's actually got a much calmer atmosphere than that. There are a few groups of cadets, but they're mostly just sitting around and talking to each other; it's almost...classy.

He and Jim grab drinks from the bar and get a table, which isn't difficult to do at this early an hour. They drink in silence for awhile, with McCoy mostly looking into his drink and Jim mostly looking, well, at anyone who passes their table. At one point, he leans almost far enough to fall over as he watches a scantily clad woman walk by. McCoy rolls his eyes and grabs Jim's shoulder to make sure he doesn't actually fall.

Jim apparently catches the eye roll. "Oh come on, Bones. Don't even try to tell me she wasn't hot."

McCoy shrugs. "Not my type."

Jim's eyes widen. "Really? Damn, I'd have thought she was practically _everyone's_ type."

"Well, apparently not."

Jim turns his attention away from her and back to McCoy, letting the matter drop. McCoy tries not to let it show how glad he is.

***

Jim stares blankly at the PADD in front of him, not taking in any of the information as he contemplates far more important matters. His best friend, for instance. Well, he figures they're best friends, anyway. Jim has plenty of friends, but no one else he goes out of his way to spend time with, and Bones, well, Bones doesn't really seem to have any friends at all. So Jim supposes that makes them each other's best friend, at least by default.

And that's what's really bothering Jim, the fact that Bones doesn't really seem to like anyone. Oh, he can get along with most people, but getting along with someone when necessary and really liking them aren't even close to the same thing. Not only that, but he doesn't seem inclined to even give anyone a chance. Jim had considered it a small miracle that he'd managed to get Bones to go to a bar with him that first time. After that, it hadn't been nearly so bad, but Bones seemed to have a disturbing tendency to make people work really hard to get on his good side.

The point of all Jim's musing, though, is that he wants to help his friend, but he doesn't really know what to do about it. Initially he'd just thought that maybe Bones needed to get back in the saddle with dating, after the whole disastrous marriage ending in divorce thing. Unfortunately, that had gone nowhere; Bones wasn't even interested in talking about women, let alone in having Jim set him up (which Jim had offered to do several times, once with a man, even, when women didn't seem to be cutting it).

When nothing seemed to work on that front, Jim had started paying more attention to the rest of Bones' life, hoping to maybe pick up a clue that would give him some sort of direction. And that, of course, brought on the realization that Bones really didn't have any kind of social life, not even with his colleagues (who should have just been built-in friends, as far as Jim is concerned).

None of this is really helping him figure out what to do, though. He's sure that trying to talk about it will get him nothing more than an eye roll, so there's really no point in that. The only thing he can think to do is to just start inviting people along when he goes out with Bones and hope that his friend takes to someone. Jim sighs, not especially happy with that plan of action, but he figures it's gotta work. He knows a lot of people, and Bones will have to like one of them, right?

***

McCoy isn't sure what the hell Jim is trying to do, but it's clear that something is going on. In the past few months, they've begun to spend more and more time together, which McCoy often thinks should probably get on his nerves but somehow manages not to. He doesn't even mind so much when Jim stops asking him for help and drops the whole 'knows nothing about medicine' thing he's cultivated. Actually, it's kind of nice, because if there's something that's frustrating McCoy particularly about work or one of his classes, he can talk to Jim about it and not just get blank stares for his trouble. But that's beside the point.

The point is that McCoy can't exactly figure out what Jim is doing, and it's driving him a little bit crazy. See, whenever they go out - usually just to bars, but sometimes to other places, too - Jim brings someone with him. At first, McCoy thinks that Jim is dating them and being horribly rude by bringing them along without so much as a by your leave. McCoy finds himself really not pleased to meet any of them. That idea is nixed pretty quickly since Jim never gives any indication of being romantically interested beyond a little good-natured flirting.

His next thought is that Jim is somehow trying to set him up, despite the fact that he's turned down several offers of that very thing. He doesn't like to be rude to people, especially if they're coming into this thing thinking he might be interested, so he makes an effort to be polite, despite the fact that no one Jim shows up with is really the type of person he'd want to be good friends with, let alone date. It's not long before he figures out, though, that he must be wrong. Jim never tries to leave him alone with any of them or does anything to try to push them together.

Except then one time, Jim shows up to meet him at their usual bar with two women in tow. The Orion woman seems happy enough to be there, checking out the bar's clientele with interest. The other woman doesn't look nearly so happy, especially when they approach the table at which McCoy is sitting.

"You are _not_ setting me up!"

McCoy looks at the woman, surprised to hear the exact same words come from both of their mouths. Obviously he's misjudged the situation, and she looks like she might be thinking the same thing. She sits down next to him, and they regard each other carefully while Jim and the Orion look at them with interest. Finally, the woman extends her hand.

"I'm Uhura," she says, smiling a little when he gives her hand a firm shake.

"Leonard McCoy," he replies.

"See, I told you this would be fun."

Uhura glares at her friend before turning back to McCoy. "Leonard, this is my roommate, Gaila."

"Nice to meet you, Gaila."

Gaila gives him a sunny smile and starts talking to Jim about warp engines, which is about where McCoy tunes out. Uhura doesn't seem particularly interested, either.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" she asks him.

McCoy thinks about it, deciding that she does look kind of familiar. "I'm not sure. You do look familiar. I don't suppose you're in Medical?"

Uhura shakes her head. "Xenolinguistics. It's been awhile, I think." She pauses. "Oh, I know. The shuttle to the Academy. You locked yourself in the bathroom."

McCoy frowns, not liking the thought of people remembering him in his moment of weakness. "Yeah, that'd be it."

Uhura puts a hand on his forearm. "It's nothing to be ashamed of." She leans in toward him, and he does the same without thinking. "I can't stand being anywhere near spiders."

McCoy can't help smiling a little bit; Uhura is definitely the best company Jim's brought along so far. "So, do you know Jim already, then, since he and your roommate are obviously..." McCoy trails off and gestures toward the two of them, where they're pretty well eyeing each other up as they continue to talk.

Uhura lets out the kind of long-suffering sigh that can only mean she's had extended contact with Jim and found it less than scintillating. "Unfortunately. We met the night before the shuttle to the Academy, actually. He hit on me then, and for some reason still hasn't given up yet."

Uhura shoots a glare in Jim's direction, and he puts on his best 'who, me?' expression. McCoy scoffs; that innocent act is a load of bull, and he's pretty sure they all know that. "Jim does like a challenge, alright."

Uhura rolls her eyes. "He has a better chance of seducing a replicator."

McCoy barks out a laugh and Uhura smiles at him, while Jim lets out an indignant, "Hey! I'll have you know that many lovely ladies have been perfectly charmed by my seduction techniques."

Even Gaila laughs that time, and Jim smiles a bit sheepishly before jerking his head in the direction of the bar. McCoy nods and stands when Jim does. "Would you ladies care for anything to drink?" McCoy realizes that he's unconsciously let his accent thicken, and it's a strange sensation; he hasn't done much to try to charm anyone in quite awhile, and he wasn't really expecting to want to do so now.

Jim does a double-take but doesn't say anything until they're over at the bar, waiting for their drinks. "Are you...you were _flirting_."

He doesn't need to sound so incredulous, McCoy thinks. "So what? It's not as if I'm never interested in anyone." Jim opens his mouth to speak, but McCoy cuts him off before he can even begin. "_Not_ that I'm interested in Uhura," he punctuates with a glare, "but throwing on a little charm never hurt anyone."

After a long pause, Jim speaks again. "You just never seem interested in anyone."

McCoy rolls his eyes. "Just because I don't seem it doesn't mean I'm not, kid. Some of us have restraint."

"I resent that! I restrain myself all the time." McCoy gives him a pointed look. "Only when I need to, though."

McCoy chuckles. "Guess you hardly ever need to, then."

Jim smiles sheepishly. "It's not like I've slept with _everyone_ I've ever met."

"And it's not like I _never_ sleep with anyone. I just don't like getting tangled up in relationships. Not unless I'm playing for keeps, anyway."

Their drinks come then, effectively ending the conversation and giving them both a lot to think about.

***

Jim doesn't know exactly what it is that did it, but in the past two months, Bones has loosened up considerably. He's stopped being insufferably grouchy when Jim wants him to meet other people, and wonder of all wonders, he's apparently taken to actually talking to his co-workers all on his own. Maybe Jim finally got through to him, but more likely it's Uhura's doing. Or rather, being introduced to someone he actually _likes_ has made him decide that maybe other people are worth getting to know as well. Jim doesn't care either way, because it's turned him from a grumpy introvert to a man with a penchant for letting loose his sarcastic wit. This is the man Jim saw lurking beneath the surface during that first shuttle ride.

And consequently, Jim is now enjoying life more, too. Not that he hadn't had fun before (because there had been _plenty_ of that), but having a best friend who was such a downer tended to put a damper on things. They can go places together and he doesn't have to worry that Bones will get fed up and just leave (okay, so that's never actually happened, but Jim had thought it might once or twice). But really, it's just plain _nice_ to see Bones enjoying life.

As summer rolls around and they discover that neither one of them is leaving because they don't have anything to go back home to, Jim devises a plan. They really need to step up the shuttle flying because it won't be that much longer until Bones is going to have to be able to do so to pass his classes. After all, it wouldn't do to have a bunch of doctors who couldn't improvise with limited medical supplies on a shuttle.

And while Bones has been doing increasingly well, he hasn't had to do anything other than talk to Jim in the course of progressively longer flights. Jim can't exactly engineer a medical emergency in the middle of a shuttle flight (well, he _could_, but it probably wouldn't be the smartest or safest thing to do), but he figures that if he can quiz Bones on what he would do in various situations, that'll at least be a start into thinking about something other than inane chatter while flying.

It works fairly well, actually; Bones is maybe a little bit slower than usual at calling up what he would do in a given situation, but he gets over that quickly enough. By the end of the summer, Bones can rattle off pretty much any medical procedure Jim can think of as well as he would be able to if they were on the ground. Jim is extremely proud and tells Bones so, but as usual, his congratulations are brushed off. Jim just smiles. Bones wouldn't be Bones if he didn't try to wave off their progress.

When classes start up again, Jim is almost sad to see the last of the break go. For all he likes having more people around to hang out or party with, he's going to miss having Bones mostly to himself. It's probably for the best, though; another year with the same people should draw Bones out of his shell even more, which can only be good, as far as Jim is concerned.

***

The year starts off well enough, with the arrival of all the students back on campus. McCoy is enjoying it far more than he did last year, and he finds that he's actually missed a few people over the summer, particularly Uhura. She practically jumps into his arms when she sees him, and while he's a bit surprised at the enthusiastic greeting, it's a welcome one, especially when Jim looks at them with jealousy. Not that there's anything like that going on between them - Uhura already has a boyfriend, anyway - but it's still amusing to see Jim acting put out over a woman.

It isn't until classes resume that things really start to go wrong. Even that's not so bad initially, at least, not until one of the professors mentions a test in two weeks simulating a medical emergency on a shuttle. Suddenly, McCoy understands why Jim spent the summer quizzing him over medical techniques while they were flying. And it's not as if he's exactly surprised this is happening (something similar was bound to sooner or later), but that doesn't stop the instinctive fear that he still sometimes gets before he and Jim go up.

He's fine as he's getting in the shuttle, a little less fine when they power up the engines, and by the time he's supposed to actually be doing something? He's completely lost in his own world of calculating the odds that he'll survive this little trip. No amount of anyone talking to him seems able to pull him out of it, at least not until they're back on the ground.

The instructor seems as if she wants to have a word with him, but he must look as bad as he feels because she just waves him off and says she'll talk to him later. That obviously doesn't bode well, and McCoy is not looking forward to it.

McCoy heads back to his quarters and sighs when he finds Jim waiting there for him (he knew it was a bad idea to tell Jim his access code); he really isn't in the mood for company right now. On the plus side, though, Jim has either already found out what happened (unlikely) or just knows him well enough to realize that something is really wrong (significantly more likely).

McCoy goes about his usual after-class routine, taking a moment to be grateful that he doesn't have a shift at the hospital that evening. Jim is quiet throughout, which might actually be a minor miracle, but which McCoy also appreciates greatly. Eventually, he runs out of things to do and sits down, looking everywhere but at Jim. They sit in silence for a long time before Jim finally gets tired of waiting for him.

"So, are you gonna tell me what happened, or what?"

McCoy sighs heavily. "We went up in a shuttle today."

Jim winces but doesn't seem surprised. "How bad was it?"

"Bad enough that I'll be lucky if they ever let me into space."

Jim shakes his head in commiseration but doesn't respond. Eventually, "I've got something to take care of, Bones. I'll be back in a little while."

McCoy nods, already planning on drowning his misery in whiskey as soon as Jim's out of the room. When Jim leaves, though, he only has time to get through one glass before Uhura shows up at his door. He should have known that Jim wasn't about to actually let him be alone. So, instead of drinking himself into a stupor, McCoy finds himself pouring out the whole stupid story to her - complete from that first day on the shuttle to the Academy - while she holds his hand.

He feels sort of wrung out by the end and he's somehow missed Jim's return, but almost surprisingly, he does actually feel just a bit better. The urge to drink is mostly gone, at least, and now he just wants to sleep and try to forget that he might be stuck on Earth for the rest of his life after this. Which is kind of ridiculous, really, because he hadn't even realized how much he actually _wanted_ to see space until now. Then again, that kind of irony seems to make up his life, so he really shouldn't be surprised by the realization.

Uhura leaves after awhile, but Jim stays until McCoy's eyes are drooping and he gives up and goes to bed, throwing out a, "Night, Jim," as he flops onto his bed.

The next morning, McCoy is dreading going to class, and he's very tempted to plead illness and stay home, but he'll have to face it eventually, so he figures it'll be easier to just get it over with now. The instructor doesn't say anything to him initially (probably because he slinks in at the very last second), but after class, she asks to have a word with him. All McCoy can do is hope that this won't be too bad.

When she starts talking, though, he can hardly believe what he's hearing. Because it sounds like she's saying that she's going to give him a chance to make up for it in another week. She'll take him up when he has a free hour to spare, and if he does well, his failure can be overlooked. McCoy wanders out in something of a daze; his luck is never this good, but he's glad that this is when it's finally decided to improve.

Jim and Uhura are both happy for him when he tells them, and Jim promises him that they'll get in as much practice as possible in the next week. And somehow, miracle of all miracles, it actually works. When McCoy goes up again a week later, he not only doesn't freak out, but also manages to impress the instructor with his improvisation in medical techniques. He doesn't tell anyone that what kept him in the moment that time was pretending Jim was right there next to him.

***

Jim is pleased that things have worked out so well for Bones regarding shuttles. All of their hard work seems to have paid off, and the only regret Jim has is that not having to practice together means that they don't have to spend as much time together.

But the thing is, as time goes on, Jim realizes that they haven't actually been spending less time together. True, they don't have to spend it in a shuttle, but Bones seems to routinely expect that the time they'd previously spent there will be spent doing other things together. It's really nice, to be honest, knowing for sure that Bones is as invested in their friendship as Jim is. It hardly seems real anymore that he'd had to fake needing help with medical techniques (as if he hadn't gotten good when he'd started getting into fights as a teenager) to get Bones to agree to spend time with him.

The thing that Jim can't quite get over, though, is that other than himself, the only person Bones will spend any one-on-one time with is Uhura. Which is fine, actually, and great that he has another friend he feels that comfortable with. But well, Jim had settled in his mind quite awhile back that he was going to help Bones get over his divorce. And while it's great that Bones now has a bunch of friends, Jim is convinced that the final step is to help him get back into dating.

Because as incredibly bitter as Bones is over his marriage, when he actually tells some of the happier stories from that time, it's really clear how important it was for him to have a partner to spend his life with. And that's what makes Jim really want to help.

He maybe shouldn't get involved, but he's spent the last...nearly two years now, and isn't that a long time? - pulling Bones out of the self-imposed isolation (the one it's easy to see now was caused by the divorce), and he figures that if he doesn't do something, this is yet another time when Bones will just let things pass him by.

The big problem with Jim's plan is that in his vast array of acquaintances, he can't actually seem to think of anyone who is good enough for his best friend. Because who will put up with him when he's grumpy, or drag him out to do something when he gets too involved with his work for too long, or know when he needs to talk about something rather than ignoring it? He just doesn't know. So he goes to the only other person who knows Bones well enough to help him with this. Uhura.

Her first reaction is to laugh in his face, which isn't entirely unexpected, but she sobers up when she realizes he's serious. "You want to set Leonard up on a date? I knew you were reckless, but I didn't think you had a death wish."

Jim scoffs. "He wouldn't kill me. The most he'll do is glower a lot and refuse to spend time with me for awhile."

Uhura shrugs like she doesn't care, but there's a spark of interest there, so Jim thinks she'll help him. "So why are you here, then?"

"I can't think of anyone to set him up with."

Uhura gives him an incredulous look. "You? You know practically everyone in the Academy. How can you not think of one person who might like to go out with him?"

"_That_ isn't the problem; I've actually had people ask if I could set them up. No, the problem is finding someone he won't flat-out reject."

Uhura contemplates silently, which means he's right in thinking Bones is likely to refuse most anyone. "It'll have to be a friend, then. Someone he already has a vested interest in and won't turn down for a superfluous reason."

"Yeah, that makes sense, but who?"

"What about Christine Chapel?"

"He wouldn't go for someone he works with."

"Yvette Baugh?"

"Have you even met her? All she talks about is the latest gossip, and Bones _hates_ gossip."

"Bryan Taylor?"

"I dated him for awhile, and anyway, Bones really didn't like him."

"Adelina Wilkison?"

"Who the hell is that?"

"Look, Kirk, have you ever thought..." Uhura pauses for a second, "maybe there's a reason you're so intent on Leonard's love life?"

Jim stares at her in confusion for a moment before he actually gets what she's saying. "What? No! I mean, he's my best friend, not someone I would want to date."

"And why not?" Uhura glares at him a bit calculatingly. "As you said, he _is_ your best friend and continues to put up with you, though God knows why. He talks about you like you're the only person who'll ever _really_ matter to him and worries when he thinks something's wrong with you. You could do a lot worse." She pauses. "Actually, you could hardly do better."

It takes Jim nearly half a minute to realize that he's gaping at her and snap his mouth shut. "Uhura, are you- Are you trying to set _us_ up?"

Uhura just shakes her head. "No, Kirk. I'm just pointing out the obvious."

Jim brushes it off because if it were such an obvious conclusion, surely he would have come to it himself. "He just needs someone who'll put him before anyone else, who gets that his work is more important to him than pretty much anything else, who won't let him get all grumpy and irritable and ignore the world, who'll be a good friend as well as lover and really be able to keep up with him, who'll support him through anything."

"And you don't think any of those things describe you?" Uhura asks flatly.

"Well sure, I mean there's no one I'd rather be around than him. And why would I want to get in the way of his work? He's one of the best at what he does and obviously loves it; besides, Starfleet really needs people like him." Jim pauses for breath but continues on when Uhura looks like she might interrupt before he's finished. "Of course I don't let him get grumpy, irritable, and cut off from the world; I've been trying to keep him from doing that since we met. And of course I can keep up with him and what he's doing; it's not like I'm an idiot. Oh, and there was the whole shuttle thing..." Jim trails off before he lets too much of that story slip; he doesn't think Uhura probably knows much about it, given that he'd never even told Bones he'd talked Bones' instructor into giving him another shot after he'd done badly that first time.

Uhura gives him a pointed stare. "You do realize you've just told me exactly why you think you're perfect for him, right?"

Jim is left floundering because he guesses he did do just that, and what's more, he walked right into it. Finally, "Okay, I might be a bit of an idiot. About relationships, anyway."

Uhura smirks triumphantly, and Jim vows never to have a serious conversation with her ever again. She'll probably hold this over him until the day he dies.

"And you're going to do something about it, right? So I don't have to have further extended contact with you?"

Jim rolls his eyes. "Yes, fine, I'm doing something about it. Can't promise anything on the extended contact front, though, particularly if it works out."

Uhura sighs. "Just get out."

And Jim does.

***

McCoy isn't sure what's going on with Jim, but it's worrying him. A lot. They've been spending a lot of time together, which isn't all that strange since they usually do, but Jim has been acting weird. Well, not weird, exactly, because he's not actually doing anything he might not normally do, but it just seems...wrong, somehow. It isn't until they go out to eat, like they've been doing every week for at least the past year, and Jim not only doesn't flirt with their waitress but also pays for both their meals that McCoy figures out why things have seemed wrong lately.

Somewhere along the line, they'd begun dating without him quite realizing it. McCoy's seen Jim act like this many times before, of course, which is why it all seems so familiar, but he's never been the object of Jim's attentions, and he can admit to himself that it's freaking him out a little bit. This was never supposed to happen. There's a reason he's maintained a certain distance with almost everyone. For all Jim's equal-opportunity dating, McCoy had never expected something like this, never thought that the equal opportunities would extend to _him_.

He doesn't say anything about it right away because they are, after all, still in public; there'll be plenty of time for arguments when they get back to his quarters (hopefully before Jim makes any sort of move, though). When they get there, though, Jim just slaps him on the shoulder, wishes him a good night, and strides off without another word.

McCoy doesn't have any idea what to do with that. Now that he's figured out what Jim's been up to, he just assumed that somehow Jim would know and do something about it. Really, though, he guesses he should have known better; this has been going on for what? A few weeks? A month? Probably at least that, and Jim hasn't done anything less subtle than usual, so there's no reason to think things would have changed just because McCoy finally knows what's going on. He resolves to talk to Jim about it next time they see each other.

The next time they see each other, though, McCoy can't quite bring himself to say anything. Maybe it's a bit sadistic, maybe a bit masochistic, but he's curious to see where this is going. So he acts as if everything is normal, all the while picking up on the subtle differences in Jim's behavior.

The really weird thing, though, is that as time goes on, Jim barely strays from his pattern of behavior. Ever since they really got to be friends, Jim has been pretty free with the physical affection, so they touch a lot anyway, all without anything changing. McCoy keeps waiting for something more – an attempt at a kiss, even holding hands, for God's sake – but it never comes. He finds himself actually anticipating it, even, imagining it happening when they're walking home from an evening out, when they're saying goodnight, and eventually bleeding over into anytime they're together.

It gets to the point where it's too much, waiting on Jim to actually say or do something. At some point, McCoy realizes, he started maybe _wanting_ Jim to make that move, and that he still hasn't even after months of this, is frustrating to the point where McCoy finally can't help mentioning it himself.

"Are we ever going to talk about this, Jim?"

"Talk about what?" Jim asks absently, mostly concentrating on the PADD in front of him.

"This." McCoy looks down at his hand where Jim's is nearly entwined with it, and gives a small squeeze.

Jim looks up, startled and a bit wary, like he's been waiting for this for awhile, maybe, but hadn't quite expected it at this moment. "I don't-"

"Cut the crap, Jim. You can't just go on hitting on me forever and pretending you're not doing it."

"Figured that out, did you?" Jim asks sheepishly. "I was hoping I might have a little more time."

"You ran out of time a month ago."

Jim's eyes widen and he pulls his hand away. "Why didn't you say anything, then?"

"I've been trying to work out what exactly you think you're doing. Are you expecting some to come of this, or what?"

"I guess I was hoping so, Bones."

"I've told you before, Jim. I'm not really looking, and even if I were, well, you're...you. I don't know that what we'd want would even be compatible."

Jim looks like he might like to start yelling, but after a second, his expression settles into the more familiar determination. "Okay, yes, we both know my reputation. A reputation which has nothing to do with whether or not I can or want to settle into a relationship. Is it really so hard to believe that I might?" McCoy opens his mouth to speak, but Jim cuts him off. "Do me a favor and actually think about it, Bones."

McCoy shuts his mouth and thinks. And okay, Jim can stick with people platonically (if Jim managed to stay his friend even after how they started out, that much is obvious). And he has actually had a steady partner or two (there's one guy that McCoy particularly remembers disliking) in the time that they've known each other. But would Jim actually want that with him? That's the crux of the matter, really, because McCoy can't quite fathom that Jim might actually want that with _him_.

"No, Jim, it's not that hard to believe." McCoy can't quite bring himself to say the other part of what he's thinking.

"So, is that you saying we can give it a try, or just that you admit the possibility of me being able to commit to someone?"

"I guess," McCoy swallows down his fear and continues with the truth, "that we could give it a try."

Jim's grin practically lights up the room, and a thrill runs through McCoy at the sight.

***

Time seems to fly by after that. They're together for the rest of the time they're at the Academy and into their mission on the Enterprise after that, except for a very brief period in the middle where McCoy breaks it off because he's not sure he can be with someone so intent on risking their life in away missions all the time (although ultimately, that just leads to McCoy going on more away missions instead of an actual break-up).

Because Jim has a great fondness for letting everyone know when he's happy, their relationship is common knowledge throughout the ship (not that McCoy would have wanted it to be a secret or anything, but perhaps a little less talk would have been nice). And since it is, when Jim asks him halfway into the mission if he wants to share quarters, McCoy doesn't really have any problem saying yes.

As he's hanging the last of his uniforms in their shared closet, it really hits McCoy that he'd never expected to see anything other than his own clothing in his closet ever again. How he managed to get to this point, he isn't even quite sure, especially considering how he and Jim had started their acquaintance all those years ago. But, he supposes, he's never had anyone who was there for him like Jim has been the entire time they've known each other, so if it was going to be anyone, it's not particularly surprising that it's with Jim.

Just then, Jim wraps his arms around McCoy's waist from behind and rests his head on McCoy's shoulder. "What's so interesting about the closet, Bones? You've been just standing there for the last five minutes."

McCoy smiles a bit. "Nothing, Jim. Just thinking that blue and gold look good together."

Jim squeezes him a little tighter. "That they do, Bones. That they do."


End file.
